Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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