I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
