You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
