That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
