just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
