i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
