Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I believe in your delicious
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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