Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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