hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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