Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
