I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
