So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize