Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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