i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
