I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
