I think I am morally bankrupt
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize