Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
