hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize