so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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