I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
