I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
