just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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