Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Life is so much better after having sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
