trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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