btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
