If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
