There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
