I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
