Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
