I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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