mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
