dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
