Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
