It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
They are going to name an STD after you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
