You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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