I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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