The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
