I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
