He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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