those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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