remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I love you. Go after that dick
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
