I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
