they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
