i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
