is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
