Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
