piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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