took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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