We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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