Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
