I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
