how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
