I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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