Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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