In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
