It was confusing and full of hummus
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
