I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
