I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
