I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
