Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
