The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
