He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
