I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
bring money and cleavage
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
