dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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