You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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