history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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