listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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