can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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