i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
