Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
