We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Your penis caused this!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
