I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
