i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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