he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
