Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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