Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize