I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
