I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Can Purell be used as lube?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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