I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The beer is more important than you right now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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