My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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