Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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