The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
