how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My life is pants optional.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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