how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
